The Choice to Marry

The choice to marry can seem like an inherently irrational commitment, for to commit with real confidence might seem to require advance knowledge of the relationship’s future, which is unattainable. But the rational choice to marry, with full commitment and equanimity, requires no such knowledge. On the contrary, it requires only that the culture of the relationship fosters open-ended problem solving, such that the participants view each other as worthy partners in the tasks of living and derive joy from solving problems together. For no way of life can avoid problems, but certain ways of life can solve whatever problems arise. So both good and bad marriages are full of problems, but in a good marriage problems are constantly being solved.

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